The Catholic Church today announced that it is instigating a massive product recall of their model VII Religious units.
Today’s Vatican issued press release states that there have been major deficiencies and functional problems with the VII Religious unit that have been caused by faulty programming. The VII Religious units were popular in the early seventies and eighties and were well known for their radical new design which incorporated pastel coloured tracksuits and knitted cardigans.
The VII units are notorious for their ingrained language chip faults which caused them to baulk when they encountered anything in Latin. These faults are also commonly attributed to the VII unit’s fascination with inclusive language and gender neutral words.
The Vatican press release warns about the following faults in the VII Religious units:
1. Faulty liturgy circuits which cause the units to act in strange and unpredictable ways during Masses and other liturgical gatherings.
2. A preference for folk music and acoustic guitars instead of the standard Gregorian Chant and Organ programming intended by the factory. This fault is commonly known as “Haugening".
3. A programming fault which keeps causing the female VII units to believe that they are actually Priest-bots, or meant to be Priest-bots.
4. Unexplained leanings towards ecumenical gatherings and liturgies that require the VII units to betray their original programming.
5. Faulty logic circuits that lead to completely self-initiated overrides of factory programming. This fault is commonly known as being “Kung-ed out” or “Foxed in the head.
6. Obedience circuits that continually short out.
Although the VII Religious units were intended to be more effective in their work many have actually become less efficient and some have simply stopped working altogether.
Despite their many glaring failures and aging technology, most VII units still believe that they are cutting edge technology.
The Vatican press release states that most VII units have very little knowledge of the actual VII protocols with which they were programmed.
New units are currently being produced and carefully programmed to replace the older faulty models.