Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Survivor Liturgy Island - Part Two

Eight Catholics…

Two teams…

One Island

Ten days of dubious liturgy…

But there can be only one survivor of Liturgy Island!

Day Four:

Trouble has erupted on Liturgy Island, with Team Tridentine having been caught with a copy of the Divine Office.

This is a clear violation of Survivor Liturgy Island rules which only allow participants to use Depak Chopra’s “Book of Secrets” for personal prayer liturgies.

Team Tridentine is rather vague about exactly who owns this copy of the Divine Office, but eventually Tom from Arkansas confesses that he smuggled it on to the island.

Tom is sternly warned about his violation of Liturgy Island rules and then sent back to Team Tridentine.

Day Six:

Its team challenge time again on Survivor Liturgy Island.

In today’s challenge, each of the teams is given a raw fish, a piece of bread and a loaf of un-sliced wholegrain bread.

They have two hours to come up with a liturgy involving only these three items.

Within minutes Team Gregorian has eaten their bread and fish and they are only left with the basket to complete their challenge. Dave from Kentucky suggests that they use the basket as a love offering to the creator God - the team thinks this is a brilliant idea but they aren’t sure exactly what a love offering is or how to actually do one.

Meanwhile Team Tridentine is busy planning their liturgy of the fish, bread and basket. John from New York suggests that they use the items to create and perform a liturgical dance called “Justice and transformation”, the team agrees and thinks that the title is so irrelevant and vague that it is just perfect.

The horn sounds to signal that the teams must now perform their liturgies for the judges.

Team Gregorian starts with their liturgy; which they have called “The Basket of dreaming”.

The team sits in a circle and sings “Let there be love shared among us” while Dave from Kentucky walks into the middle of the circle and places the basket in the centre. The team falls silent and Dave prays the “prayer of transformation” that Team Gregorian has written especially for the liturgy.

“Oh creator God, You who knows our longing for true justice and understanding, make us a community of hope. May our dreaming be dreamy and our passion be passionate, as we seek true justice from the oppressive tyranny of the patriarchal church. Fill our basket with the fire of dreaming. For ever and ever, Awoman”

Team Tridentine is then called forward to perform their liturgy, which they have called “Justice and Transformation.”

Immediately Team Tridentine form a line behind John from New York and they begin to do an American Indian rain dance type chant.

While they chant, John from New York grabs the basket and begins to wave it wildly in the air shouting “basket of justice, where is thy bounty? Basket of justice why are you so empty?”

This continues for ten minutes, and then he places the basket back on the ground and picks up the loaf of un-sliced wholegrain bread and proceeds to walk the line of chanting Team Tridentine members. As he passes each team member he chants “kiss the bread of new beginnings”, and each team member bows and kisses the un-sliced wholegrain bread.

John from New York returns the bread to the ground and proceeds to pick up the fish. Dancing around and swinging the fish wildly by the tail he begins to sing “Gather your people oh God”. Halfway through Gather your people oh God, the head of the fish comes loose and flies off, within moments the entire Team Tridentine is covered in flying fish entrails that have escaped from the now decapitated fish.

Team Tridentine finish by saying “for ever and ever, Agenderless being” loudly together.

John from New York demonstrates how he swung the fish during Team Tridentine's liturgy

The judges are stunned and struggle to make up their mind which of the two liturgies is more beautiful and sacred. After 20 minutes of tense deliberations, the judges announce that Team Tridentine is the winner of the challenge.

Team Gregorian walks dejectedly back to the Parish Council area for the eviction vote.

Dave from Kentucky is voted off the island by a unanimous vote, with all of the Team Gregorian members stating that they believe Dave was too “pre-Vatican II” in the way he led the team’s liturgy.

To be continued…

The Litrugy Island Parish Council area

On the next
Survivor Liturgy Island:

An intruder is introduced to the island, and the two teams must create their own liturgical vestments and recite trivia about Hans Kung and Matthew Fox.


Brian Michael Page said...

Way cool! Tridentine still intact, Gregorian short two players now.


The Dumb Ox said...

Just wait till the next episode!

Brian Michael Page said...

Gotta love the drama!
BTW, in my plug of your show on CV, I added a sneak preview of two Big Brother takeoffs.


The Dumb Ox said...

I love it!

Just wait till next when it all goes bad in the final of Survivor Liturgy Island!

When does Big Catholic Brother start?

Brian Michael Page said...

Might be a while for Big Catholic Brother, or Big Sibling for that matter. Still in the "early" thinking stages he he he.

The Dumb Ox said...

I look forward to it

CastCantor said...

"Basket of justice . . . kiss the bread of new beginnings" . . .BWAH! I just spit out my coffee laughing. Lovin' it.

Charles said...

Episode 2 is so much a mirror of the concluding Mass of the one regional convention NPM held in Las Vegas one year. I wish I were exaggerating. LMAO with this; press on, dear oxen.